Romantic Love

Romantic Love

Romantic stories can be found throughout the Bible, even from the very first book. Romantic love, within the safe boundaries of wooing and wedding, can be a source of comfort and restoration. Let your spouse know how much their presence comforts you.

§ Genesis 24:67 Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.

Romantic love begins with service. Jacob first did something for Rachel. Romantic love entails physical demonstrations of affection. Jacob kissed her. Romantic love also entails demonstrating our emotions. Jacob was not shy about showing how happy he was to have found the love of his life. Romantic love causes us to so value the time spent with our loved one that we do not mind any sacrifice entailed. Jacob felt seven years of his life to win his great love’s hand was nothing.

§ Genesis 29:10-11, 18-20 When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of Laban, his mother’s brother, and Laban’s sheep, he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle’s sheep. 11. Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud. 18. Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, "I'll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel." 19. Laban said, "It's better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me." 20. So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her.

Note: Physical affection should not always lead to sex. If every time you hold her hand, rub her back, or pat her bottom, you end up asking for sex, she will begin to feel that you are simply trying to manipulate her and will grow to resent your touch.

The husband, contrary to American social stereotypes, is to be the source of romantic love in the home. It takes work and time to be romantic but if our love is sacrificial, like Christ’s we will not mind. Notice that this kind of love is constantly trying to invest in the object of affection. It is not a selfish act.

§ Ephesians 5:25-33 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26. to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27. and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church- 30. for we are members of his body. 31. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” 32. This is a profound mystery-but I am talking about Christ and the church. 33. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself...

Sometimes husbands hesitate to initiate romantic love because they feel that it will diminish their masculinity. But this is an ability in which you can demonstrate your prowess just like any other. Besides – God commanded it.

§ Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them

Note: Men tend to get impatient with the differences between themselves and their mates. They get tired of waiting on them, or of talking about things without acting on them. But we must always be gentle and patient with our wives.

The entire book of Song of Solomon is dedicated to romantic love! Someday I hope to do a verse by verse commentary on this wonderful (and sometimes embarrassingly explicit) book as a study on romantic love. Just a couple points here. Ladies, let your man know what you like. He’s not a mind reader you know. Let your love for each other be like wine – let it make you a little giddy, disconnected from the rest of the world, and let it make you drop your inhibitions toward each other. Let him know you even like the way he smells! Gentlemen, help her out by wearing nice cologne. Even his name should be precious to you. Remember when you first started going out and you wrote your name with his over and over? Get back to that dreamy state. Acknowledge that your spouse is attractive. Be proud of that fact. Don’t be jealous. But ask your spouse to draw you away from the admiring crowds into an intimate and private state. Acknowledge the good things about your spouse. If all you ever do is criticize and try to fix each other there will be no room for romantic love.

Song of Solomon 1:1-4 The Song of Songs, which is Solomon's. 2 May he kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine. 3 Your oils have a pleasing fragrance, Your name is like purified oil; Therefore the maidens love you. 4 Draw me after you and let us run together! The king has brought me into his chambers "We will rejoice in you and be glad; We will extol your love more than wine. Rightly do they love you."

You cannot talk about romantic love without talking about Hosea and Gomer. God ordered Hosea to marry a prostitute and keep bringing her back to himself when she strayed. This was to teach us about our relationship with God. God wants to love us and He is ever faithful. We keep straying but His love is so great that He keeps trying to reconcile with us. Romantic love builds a lot of slack into the relationship. It’s like building credit for those days when you mess up. It makes it easy to forgive.

Hosea 2:14-16 "Therefore, behold, I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness and speak kindly to her. 15 Then I will give her her vineyards from there, and the valley of Achor as a door of hope and she will sing there as in the days of her youth, as in the day when she came up from the land of Egypt. 16 It will come about in that day," declares the LORD, "That you will call Me Ishi and will no longer call Me Baali.

Note: Ishi means husband but is an intimate and warm word that indicates affection. Baali also means husband but can, at times, also be translated Lord and Master. We are often quick to want our women to submit – but a woman will willingly submit to a man who sacrificially loves her, serves her, shows physical affection, is forgiving of her foibles, is gentle and kind. Notice that God is trying to allure His people. He tries to separate us from every one else and get us to be enamored with Him. God is the ultimate lover. Jesus is described as the Groom, the Husband of the church. We can learn a lot about romantic love by watching the Master.

The ultimate description of love was written by Paul. It was demonstrated however, by the lover of our souls – Jesus Christ. If you claim to be His disciple, you will want to be just like Him.

§ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 8 Love never fails;

Some romantic love “dos”:

Let their presence comfort you and tell them so.
Serve them, find out what they like and do it. Find out what they need and get it.
Express your love physically continually. Stand close, look at them, smile at them, pay attention to them, lean into them, hold their hand, rub their back, give them foot rubs, pat their bottom, brush their hair, touch their face, kiss them. Let them know they’re irresistible.
Be willing to express yourself emotionally. Cry with happiness. Say “I love you and I’m so glad you’re mine.”
Develop the feeling that your loved one is worth any sacrifice. Let them know that you value them above all else.
Consider romantic love to be a skill at which you would like to develop great prowess. Be willing to consider yourself a great lover. Read up on it, practice it, hone your skills.
Submit to the will of God and obey Him in this matter.
Let your relationship always be something that leads to holiness and purity. It should uplift and improve your loved one.
Consider your loved one to be an extension of your own body. Care for them as well or better than you do your own body.
Be gentle.
Kiss a lot! Kiss in public (discretely) as well as in private. Kiss different places on their body. Kiss different ways. Let them know you enjoy their kisses.
Tell each other what you like. Don’t make them guess and then judge them when they get it wrong. Don’t play mind games with your lover. Let them know where you like to be touched, how you like to be touched, how often you like to be touched. Let them know if you’d like to explore some new things. Be open and transparent about your fantasies and fears.
Wear some nice perfume or cologne. Let your spouse know you appreciate theirs.
Let them know you like how they look. Compliment them and be proud of them in public. Take them out and show them off once in a while.
Once in a while tell them “Draw me away and let us run together!” Go to a bed and breakfast or a motel, or a movie just the two of you. Periodically take them “out into the wilderness” where you can be alone.
Be willing to forgive.
Speak kindly. Be polite. Open doors for her. Carry things for her. Do the things you either did or should have done when you were dating. Don’t ever quit that kind of behavior.
Give each other “vineyards”. That means give each other the tools or the helps to make their life easier. Constantly be thinking of ways to make their lives better.
Give your loved one hope. Point out their skills, abilities, talents and spiritual gifts repeatedly. Encourage them to pursue these.
Gentlemen seek to be an Ishi rather than merely a Baali.
Be patient.
Be kind.
Try to make your relationship something pure and holy.
Rejoice in the truth – always tell the truth to your loved one.
Bear all things.
Believe all things – give them the benefit of the doubt.
Hopes all things – have dreams and hopes for your loved one, see all the possibilities within them.
Endure all things.
Be persistent in your love.

Some romantic love “don’ts”:

Do not make every act of physical affection lead to sex.
Do not be harsh.
Do not be jealous.
Do not brag.
Do not be arrogant.
Do not act unbecomingly – in other words, don’t embarrass her.
Do not seek only your own pleasures.
Do not get provoked.
Do not keep track of wrongs suffered.
Do not rejoice in unrighteousness.
Do not quit expressing your love to them.